The Joyful Defiance of Life Well-lived
As we start a new year, we here at Maternal Wellness are cognizant that marking the transition from one year to the next can evoke many different emotional responses. Some are ready to say goodbye to 2024, but others are mourning the passage of time. You might be looking nervously to the future or maybe you are filled with hope about the next 12 months. Maybe you love the tradition of setting new goals and intentions or perhaps that prospect is simply exhausting.
Here at the Center, we feel the heavy weight of our worry and concern for the health and wellness of American women as we sit with the uncertainty of the present moment.
As we’ve contemplated how to move forward when we feel so tender about the possibilities, we’ve found ourselves inspired by the work of Tricia Hersey, author of “Rest is Resistance.” Hersey expounds on the subversive power of resting. She advocates choosing to rest as a way of resisting dominant cultural norms by embracing the liberation of the self while rebelling against the notion that we are only as good as what we produce.
In that spirit, we are framing our 2025 as the year of a living well as a form of joyful defiance of anything and anyone that tries to tell us that we are less than or unworthy. We’re choosing a good life as an act of rebellion.
This doesn’t mean freedom from the realities of stress, worry, grief, or sadness. Instead, making space to fully experience the richness of life even in tough times. We are prioritizing peace, pleasure, and joy amid whatever circumstances we find ourselves. Here’s how we’re tackling a life lived well this year:
Bio hack your life: Serotonin and endorphins are both neurotransmitters associated with happiness and wellbeing. We know from research that we can naturally increase both through getting sunlight, eating well, and making our bodies feel good. Get outside, exercise, have some orgasms, enjoy good food—all in the name of living well. Of course, we can’t help but mention that a good massage can help too! When we make time to help our body to feel good, we feel better emotionally as well.
Calm the nervous system: During times of worry or stress, our bodies can get stuck in that fight/flight/freeze response that makes everything feel emergent. To combat that, help your body to regulate with activities like yoga, meditation, deep breathing, sauna, or grounding techniques. Choose the activity that works best for you (and if you need new ideas, ask your therapist!).
Sleep well: As we mentioned, Hersey’s work on rest is guiding us, so we must highlight the importance of sleep. The CDC lists sleep deprivation as a public health crisis in America. Lack of sleep prevents our bodies and minds from doing their natural healing. To feel your best emotionally and physically, you can start with improving your sleep habits.
Active rest: Hersey is adamant that rest is more than just sleep or inactivity; it’s anything that helps to slow the body down enough for your body and mind to connect. For some, active rest can be found in the intentional movement of ballet, dance, yoga, Pilates, drawing, etc. Walking and being present in nature can be a form of active rest. Just choosing to move your body in ways that are not “work” can be a radical change.
Social connection: Carving out time for adult socialization can be challenging after having kids (at least for us!). However, make it a priority. Studies repeatedly show that social connection, friendship, and good conversation increase longevity and mental aptitude.
Protect your peace: Good boundaries are essential, especially when the outside world is trying to bring you down. Remember, a boundary is respecting our needs and limits in ways that prioritize our wellbeing. We can’t tell other people what they need to do as a boundary. All we can do is focus on our own agency in choosing how we will respond. Boundaries can look like choosing when or if to consume media, deciding what conversations to participate in, electing not to attend certain events, or even limiting how long/in what tone we will engage with people. Knowing our limits and communicating them in advance makes them easier to follow through on.
Celebrate today: If you are like us, you might sometimes find yourself hoarding joy for some future date—special treats, activities, etc. that are waiting for a special occasion. Within reason, this year we are leaning into celebrating daily life rather than waiting for an unknown future. This does not mean empty your retirement account because YOLO. Rather, we intend to wear the fancy dress, use the special soap, etc.
Seek novelty: Humans are biologically predisposed to enjoy some amount of novelty (how much is personality dependent). We get a jolt of dopamine, the hormone associated with rewards, when we engage in new and different activities. For some this looks like finally trying skydiving, but it could also mean reading a new book, going to a new play, trying a new food, or visiting a new city.
Be a little uncomfortable: We learn and grow best when we are challenged just enough. So, we’re going to seek out chances to grow, even when that means doing something that’s new, different, or just a little hard. Being uncomfortable opens us up to experiences and skills we might never have imagined. Our lives are broadened by leaving the comfort zone.
Highlight your glimmers: A glimmer is the opposite of a trigger. They are small cues that activate our feelings of safety and well-being. They are different for everyone, but it could be something as simple as a smell that takes us back to a happy memory, that first sip of coffee, a gorgeous sunset, extra soft socks, or anything else that sparks joy. The impact of glimmers increases with intentionality. Be on the lookout for where you find glimmers in your life, take note of how they make your body feel, acknowledge a glimmer when it happens (with a short mantra or even gesture), and record or share them. The more you are aware of them, the more things you will notice.
The last step is perhaps a bit obvious given our work, but you have to make the time to heal the emotional burdens of the past and present. You can’t live well if you haven’t tended to the trauma or pain because our difficult emotions don’t just dissolve over time. The things you are avoiding won’t get better on their own. They linger and lurk in the corners to pop up at the least convenient times, and while we are trying to ignore them, we are carrying the weight of them. They won’t be ignored or wished away; you have to take action to grow past them. The ultimate joyful defiance of things that hurt us, is to find success anyway on the other side.
We’re here to help you whenever you’re ready.
