Mindful Merry-making: Intentional Choices for a Peaceful Season
Here we are mid-way through the holiday marathon that barrels through from October to January. Are we having fun yet? Are you feeling the joy of the season or some version of stress, exhaustion, dread, or overwhelm?
If you’ve nailed the perfect balance of fun and relaxation, then our hats go off to you. If you’re like us, and you find that each year you need to take some time to recalibrate things for optimal enjoyment, then this newsletter is for you.
It can be easy to fall into the trap of doing more instead of doing what you need. In the age of social media, the FOMO is real and the pressure to make things magical can be exhausting. Try to remember that we (and our kids) benefit more from the feeling of the season over the busyness. The process—the time spent together—is more important than perfection.
Here’s a glimpse into the holiday pre-flection we’re doing this year to help us to alter our holiday season to optimize the joy. We’re “Marie-Kondo-ing” the holiday season.
Yes, it’s a bit of homework (but like your teacher always told you, a little advance work will save you lots of stress in the end).
1. Set your intentions: Ask yourself (and family members if appropriate) a few questions to help identify what your priorities are this season. Allow these answers to guide you in the next steps in deciding what serves your goals and what you can let go. What are our family’s goals for each holiday? How do we want each holiday to feel (leading up to, day of, and day after)? In the past, which parts of the holiday have been valuable/enjoyable for me? Which parts were stressful? Financially, what can our family sustain this season without creating undo stress?
2. Pencil in Absolutes: Make a list of your holidays (religious, cultural, and even birthdays) that fall in this season. Any non-negotiable events should go right to the calendar (i.e., is there a school half day, vacation time, or other event that is mandatory for you).
3. Make a list of options: This should be party invites, family gatherings, performances, holiday activities, school functions, etc. Look at your list and start to Marie-Kondo your holiday. Does it bring you joy? Does it conflict with other priorities? Is that week already bursting with commitments? Does this event serve me and our family intentions or is it something I’m doing for someone else? Make cuts! Is that thing that feels mandatory, really mandatory?
4. Schedule downtime: We all have different capacities for socializing and merriment. Be honest with yourself and identify how much rest and recharge you need in a week in order to enjoy the other things you have scheduled. Literally block off those days/times on the calendar. Are there activities that help you be your best self (a massage perhaps). Schedule that too!
5. To-Do List: We all know that holiday magic doesn’t just happen. Someone (often mom) makes it happen. Start by making a list of all the things that need to be accomplished this season. Once you have the list, think about which tasks are necessities versus nice to haves. A necessity is something to eat on the holiday and a nice to have is three homemade pies. Are your mandatory items Which time-sucking luxuries on your list bring you maximum joy and minimum stress? Pick those to prioritize and choose a few to-dos to axe.
6. Assign chores: Once you know what the family wants to achieve, it’s time to break down what needs to happen to get there. Brainstorm together (mental load is for all!). For example, if you want to send holiday cards (and see step 5 because do you really?), you need to a) identify the photo, b) choose a card, c) print the cards, d) assemble address list, e) get stamps, and f) address the envelope, and g) mail those suckers.
7. Cut the fat: If looking at the chores list gives you agita, time to act like a corporation and enact cost saving measures. If no one wants to take point on a task, time to cut it or find a “cheaper” way to do it. Sometimes, cheaper means outsourcing (hire a housecleaner, pay to have the cards addressed at the printer, buy a pie instead of making one) and sometimes it means smaller (choose minimal décor or pick an easier meal).
8. Gift-giving: Not everyone exchanges gifts this season, but many of us do. Being intentional about gift-giving can help minimize stress. Instead of thinking of who you “need” to buy for, think about your intention in gifting someone. If you find yourself lacking, explore if that person might want to forgo gift-exchange and instead do something meaningful together (exchange handwritten notes, do a craft together, go out to eat, plan time together, etc.). Giving less can make gifting all the sweeter. Some families find that choosing an intention for each gift (want/need/wear/read) helps keep things reasonable.
9. Take on Traditions: Traditions can be wonderful for memory-making, but they aren’t meant to be set in stone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, look at your list and decide which ones you can gracefully say thank you and goodbye to, which ones can be tweaked, and which you still think serve you well. Just because you did it before doesn’t mean you have to do it again. Conversely, if you feel like you want to make more traditions for your own baby family, remember anything can be a tradition if you name it. You can celebrate family mismatched socks and move night every year with almost no extra expense. And traditions should be living breathing things that evolve with our family’s changing needs. Don’t let what you’ve done in the past hold you hostage.
10. Expand the Timeline: This one feels almost naughty to suggest, but who says you must squeeze the holiday fun into a certain number of days. If you want to make your favorite holiday cookies the second week in January—do it. If you want to send family cards for Valentine’s Day, go happily. To give a nod to Taylor--leave the Christmas lights up ‘til January [editor’s note: or March as in my household], this is our place we make the rules.
If you take nothing else from this newsletter, may it be this: there is no perfect. Let go of the expectation that you can do it all and lean into doing what you choose. Along the way, things will go sideways and that’s expected. When you can, try to embrace the chaos and make some memories. Don’t worry about performing the perfect holiday for anyone else—your family, social media or some societal standard because down that road is guilt, inadequacy, and stress. Instead, choose to be present in the holiday season you are building. Like a handmade gift, the quirks and little imperfections are what make it truly precious.
