Gifts of Parenthood
2024. However your 2023 was, we hope that you find peace, healing, and joy in this new year. Time milestones can bring up complicated feelings as we reflect on our past and our goals for the future. Instead of doubling down on all the ways to reflect on your year (with gentleness and compassion for yourself), to plan for your future (with pride in how far you’ve come), or recovering from the holiday season (any way you can), we wanted to just put a little positivity out into the universe.
If you have been reading our newsletter, you know we think parenting is challenging and that society does not do enough to support parents. If you are new here, and you need some affirmation that you aren’t alone in your challenges, please visit our archive because we are taking a break from our regularly scheduled programming to talk a bit about some of the gifts of parenting instead.
Parenting isn’t a monolith. No two experiences are the same. This isn’t a list of why you should or shouldn’t be a parent, or how you should or shouldn’t feel about it. It’s just a list of some of the surprising ways we found ourselves changed by parenting. In no way is this an attempt to diminish the hard parts, but we wanted to acknowledge the ways parenting has shaped us for the better even when it is hard.
Our experiences are complex and unique, and these reflections are as varied as our team so don’t expect to relate to all of them. We do hope you too can find a place to reflect on how you’ve grown on your own parenthood journey.
Judgment Free Zone: I've learned to give more grace to people parenting in public. When I see a mom carrying a child with chocolate on their face having a meltdown in a cold parking lot without their coat on, I think, "Wow, that mom is really doing her best." Then, I give her a tiny salute.
Keeping Me Humble: I love (and hate) the humility that comes with parenting. It is so hard. And so many of us are doing it. That's an amazing thing.
Parenting after the Unexpected: In the midst of heartaches like loss, infertility, difficult diagnoses, or trauma, I have found new levels of compassion and connection with so many others who have lived through grief and tragedy. My tragedies unlocked new levels of empathy for me. Worst clubs with the best members.
Watching Them Bloom: It is so amazing to see who your once tiny creature grows into, day by day, and year by year, and to try to figure out how to best support them in who they are and who they want to be. While it can also drive partners apart in many ways, experiencing your kids together brings an unparalleled closeness as well.
Heart Grew Three Sizes: Motherhood expanded me emotionally to more love than I knew I was capable of. I’m more vulnerable, accessible, alive, and integrated in deep connection than ever existed in me before. A new me was born when they entered my world.
Kids keep you honest: I’ve never been more accountable for my actions or values than I am now. I can count on my kids to update their teachers on every word I say and to point out any time that my actions don’t match my words. If you’ve ever wondered how you should feel about any issue, just sit down, and try to explain it to your kids. Suddenly every hole or inconsistency in every argument is clear. My kids are pushing my own journey to be a more equitable and inclusive human by asking all the right questions.
Compassion for the past: Parenting gave me more compassion for my parents. Despite their best efforts that often weren’t “good enough.” I can respect their humanity. I honor their personal pain; I grieve their brokenness, and I accept the mantle of being a cycle breaker for the legacy of our family.
Like a Kid Again: In a lot of ways being a parent has allowed me to let my inner child out while being less self-conscious. Could I have made snow angels or spun around until I got so dizzy I fell down all without having kids? Yes. Did I? No, sir, I did not.
Parenting myself: I’ve found ways to love the child I was more in watching my own children. I can see all the ways my children are precious even in their imperfections. I know in my bones that they deserve to be cherished and cared for, and that helps me recognize that the child I was I deserved that as well.
A healthier me: Motherhood brought me deeper into my own journey of therapeutic healing work that I needed and deserved. It took courage, resources, and an amazing therapist to do this (on-going!) work. I meet new strengths in myself every season, which serve me in every dimension of my life.
Stronger than ever: I’ve started to take care of myself through healthy eating and movement more since pregnancy. Not just because I like it, but also to encourage my kids to make healthier choices. My workout goals aren't to hit the magic number on the scale or to have a six pack but to be able to play with my kids on a jungle gym, to take care of my body so I can be active with my grandkids years from now, to show them that Mom can be strong.
Solidarity in Parenthood: Becoming a parent connected me with compassion for all women all over the world in their reproductive journeys. No choices are simple. Motherhood brought me closer to other women who I needed to survive the journey both logistically but also emotionally and socially.
For us (Kellie and Christina), motherhood has given us two of our biggest and most important personal projects—our families and our careers. We cannot help but start off this new year with deep gratitude for the ways our lives have been shaped by not only our own parenthood but yours as well. Thank you for joining us on this journey, and we look forward to celebrating parenthood—warts and all—with you this coming year.
