September Head-Spin Syndrome: Epidemic
Dear friends,
For people raising small to large humans, September is the Monday-est of months. We’re on the cusp of a new season, a new routine, and the start of a new year for schools and childcare. Whether you are excitedly planning your return to pumpkin spice everything and sweater weather or already counting down the days to next summer, chances are your September is a transition time. Love or hate it, you might have a case of the Mondays.
We’re coming off our unstructured(ish) “weekend” time of summer, and we’re looking ahead at fall schedules. As with weekends, parents often find summer felt crowded with basic life functions and chores that didn’t allow us to relax as much as we hoped (see last month’s newsletter). It isn’t unusual to feel like summer wound down before we were quite finished with it. Perhaps looking ahead to Fall’s commitments even feels a bit daunting. Or maybe you welcome fall’s return, and find yourself surprised how the experience is simultaneously a relief and also overstimulating.
For many of us, the start of this season can feel head spinning as the mental load can be overwhelming. Your brain has likely been filled with lots and lots of details.
Who needs to have a doctor’s appointment to complete their physical? Does the daycare box need long-sleeves/pants yet? When are practices? Don’t forget to label everyone’s supplies. Did we submit that registration form? When is the IEP meeting? Buy new shoes for the child who inexplicably grew two sizes last week. Arrange pickups and drop offs and extracurricular activities. Are they safe? Will they be okay? Worry about teacher assignments. Who needs to request off to cover which holidays? Register for yet another online portal to find that important form. It's way too much adulting, all at once!
If you’ve ever tried to get a toddler to leave the playground or a teen to go to bed at a reasonable hour, you know that humans can struggle with transitions. This season is full of them—new bedtimes, new teachers, new social demands, new activities, new academic pressures, and new structures. For children, the change in routine and exposure to new environments can be dysregulating and overwhelming.
After a long day of holding things together, they let it all out when they come home. After a day of missing their kids, parents are hoping for some snuggles and a cheerful update about what they did all day, but instead kids are more likely to meltdown, push away, or clam up (read more about how restraint collapse and defensive attachment can impact things here). This can mean difficult days and very long evenings (with even slower bedtimes!) for families while they adjust.
Just like their children, parents feel the toll in heightened anxieties, exhaustion, limited patience, brain fog, decision fatigue, insomnia and the list could go on and on. You might find yourself overwhelmed as you scroll your news feed and see a barrage of first days—daycare drop offs, first days of school, and college move-ins. Parents feel the pang of children growing too fast and noticing kids who seem to have grown overnight (or for loss parents, the kids who are missing from the photos). Parents want to freeze time but also fast-forward through all the tough stuff—sometimes within the same hour.
If September is the Monday of months, then we can also take some strategies from how we manage the start of the week. Take it one thing at a time and be realistic about what we can handle. Sometimes the best way to start things off is by saying no to things that add to the load, and by choosing to prioritize the structure and routines that your family needs. If we acknowledge that everyone will be dealing with big feelings while adjusting, maybe it makes sense to plan a few more pizza nights and movie-marathons.
Plan for someone (maybe even you) to have a meltdown or to let something slip through the cracks. Accept making a few mistakes and needing to ask others for help. We are only human. And remember, you aren’t the only one who forgot to sign the form or didn’t buy enough socks.
And if all the bustle of fall has you longing for summer, don’t forget that we still have lots of time to sneak in relaxation and fun year-round. It might be true that fall isn’t as flexible as summer schedules for many families, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t wonderful moments to carve out there as well. We aren’t limited to summer! As always, remember we are here to help if you are feeling overwhelmed or want help with the work of aligning your life with your needs. Here’s hoping your fall can be filled with some of the things that bring you joy, and that you stay on steady ground as you navigate you and yours through one chaotic and emotional week at a time.
Warmly,
Kellie Wicklund, LPC, PMH-C
Owner + Clinical Director
Christina Moran
Executive Director
www.maternalwellness.org
