New Year's Revolutions + Welcoming A New Therapist

Dear friends,  

As we break out the 2023 calendars, it’s traditional to set some goals for the new year. Our team has been reflecting on what we’re all striving for in the year ahead, and we decided to focus on resolutions that are more revolutionary - ones that aim to improve our lives from the inside out. Some are feminist; some are about mental health; and some are about joy. They’re all about bringing more peace to our lives.

This year we resolve to:
 
Accept the parent that I am. Too often in parenting we expend a lot of energy in pursuit of what we think we should be instead of who we are. Does crafting bring you joy? Go ahead and make those homemade party decorations. Are you exhausted just thinking about it? Skip it. Do you love volunteering in your kid’s classroom? Thank you! Can’t get out of work? Skip it! Do you enjoy a day with everyone at home or do you want to escape your living room and go on an outing? Either way, enjoy your Saturday. This year, we aren’t beating ourselves up over the paths we aren’t taking, and we are celebrating the people we are instead of lamenting the people we aren’t.  

Opt out of the comparison game. This goes hand in hand with embracing the parent that we are. We need to let other parents make their best choices without judgment. Parenting is tough stuff, and our fellow parents need us to be cheering in their corner.   When we feel insecure about our own choices, we can find ourselves wanting to compare others to ourselves to see who is “right,” but each parent knows their own family best. We trust each other to make the best choice for our own families. This year, we are offering more encouragement, kudos, and cheers to other parents. We’re going out of our way not to see their successes as our own shortcomings (or vice versa). 

Offer myself the love I give to others. We are our own worst critics, but we offer grace and kindness to others. This year, we are rewriting our inner monologue to match the kindness we offer everyone else. When we make mistakes, we will respond with self-compassion. When we fall short of perfect (as everyone does), we will offer ourselves the unconditional love we practice with our children. When we are overwhelmed or stressed out, we will choose to give ourselves the loving care we would offer to friends.  

Protect my peace.  Women in particular have been socialized to keep to the peace by sacrificing their own needs. You might recognize this impulse if you find yourself agreeing to attend things you are dreading, maintain relationships that are draining, or make compromises to avoid upsetting other people. While there’s always give and take in relationships, this year we’re being firm in expressing and holding our boundaries. When considering requests for our time or energy, we’re going to take the time to consider if we can really accommodate that without sacrificing ourselves.

Give up over-functioning.  Mothers are the queens of taking on more and more. It’s not uncommon to find mom oversees all the household management, the childcare organizer (or provider), a cook, a housekeeper, a social planner, and much more. This year, we aren’t going to collude with the idea that we’re the only ones who can do it. We’re putting down our management roles and intentionally reconsidering how things can be divided more equally. If no one else cares enough about it to step up and help with it, then we can put it down.  

Ask for (and accept) more help. No one is superhuman but sometimes we try to act like it. We can resist reaching out to ask for help for fear of appearing vulnerable. Sometimes, we even refuse the help that is offered to us because we feel like no one will be able to live up to our standards. But this is a recipe for overwork and overwhelm.   This year, we are choosing to welcome chances to share the load. Yes, it might mean accepting that people won’t do a task to our standards (yes, they will probably load the dishwasher “wrong” but at least it gets done. We will let go of our need to control every situation and embrace our interdependence.  

Let good enough be enough.  As we just mentioned, sometimes accepting help means letting a task be done imperfectly.  This year let’s try not to let perfection get in the way of getting things done. Sometimes we must embrace letting something slip in the name of our sanity. You might think there’s no room in parenting to cut corners, but there’s actually excellent evidence that in order to thrive what kids need is just “good enough parenting.” We are embracing cutting back and opting for simpler, sanity-saving uses of our time and energy. We are tolerating imperfection to free ourselves. 

Take up space.   Women often feel pressure to shrink themselves to make other people feel better by prioritizing their needs, wants, and energy. No more! This year, we are going big.  We are casting ourselves as the protagonist of our own stories instead of a supporting role. We are fully developed humans with strengths and goals that we are boldly pursuing.  We’re shouting our accomplishments from the rooftops. We’re making space for our own needs and (gasp!) wants even when it isn’t easy.    

Let people know me.   Would it surprise you to know that a lot of the mothers are lonely? There are many reasons that moms can feel lonely. Lack of time for socializing, too much time with small children, and bone deep exhaustion are just a few.  But in addition to making time, moms must be willing to put themselves out there warts and all.  When we let people in to see our strengths and our flaws, we make real connections.  This year we are going to be willing to take risks, be silly, and share honestly in pursuit of making deeper connections.       

Embrace guiltless pleasures.  Take joy where you can find it without an ounce of undeserved guilt. We’re not saying abandon your moral code or anything, but we are vowing not to feel ashamed of embracing rest or entertainment. Take joy in Netflix, a long jog, a good cheese, good sex, a hot bath, a steamy romance novel, or any other place you can carve out something just for your own pleasure. 
 
We’d love to hear how you are planning to implement one of our resolutions in your own life or perhaps you have a few empowering ideas of your own to share with us. Whatever your plans, we wish you peace in the new year.  

We are also very excited to welcome a new psychotherapist to our center! Mary Wilkinson, LCSW has been working with families for 15 years. Mary is adept at building a quick and strong rapport with a warm and non-judgmental approach to help clients and families from many different backgrounds feel heard and empowered. Mary is skilled at working with clients navigating postpartum stress, anxiety, depression, grief and loss, childhood trauma, and the transition to parenthood.  Mary also enjoys working with child-parent attachment and bonding, family and sibling adjustment, and parenting children with special needs. Mary will offer in-person hours, with both daytime and evening availability at our Hatboro location.


Warmly, 
Kellie Wicklund, LPC, PMH-C
Principal + Clinical Director

Christina Moran
Executive Director